Happy Birthday, Xander
by Zymite
Summary: Willow grants Xander a birthday wish. Buffy's along for the ride. And, is that .... Spike?


Buffy put the candle in the jelly donut just as Xander knocked on their door.

"Buf? Wil? Ready for a night of Bronzing?"

Willow hurried to the door to let him in, and gave him a hug. "Happy birthday, Xander!"

"Happy to accept the wishes, but the big day's not until tomorrow, you know," he said as he hugged back. 

"Well, yeah, but Buffy and I remembered that we had a leftover donut from last night's study-and-slayage break, and a candle, and hey, you and Anya are doing the romantic dinner thing tomorrow for your actual birthday, so, impromptu celebration. Come on! Blow out the candle and make a wish"

Xander stared into the flame for a moment (the candle was pink with a Hello Kitty face halfway up), squinched into the "I'm making a wish face" and blew. 

"Willow!" yelled an anxious, and very nude, Buffy, as she made Botticelli Venus gestures with her hands. Willow, dumbfounded and also nude, was staring at the nude and slightly befuddled Xander.

"Xander!" she said, "Hey! Gay now! We're all about the au naturel! I do not have a Brazilian bikini wax!"

Buffy looked down. "My breasts are **not** this big"

Xander muttered "They were in the first season."

" And I do not have Xander's name tattooed on my ass! Will, I thought you said he would wish for a go-cart?"

"Xander, what happened to the go-cart? You always wished for a go-cart!"

"Um, got over it?"

Willow grabbed for her sweater, which was lying on the bed, but for some reason, no matter how hard she tried to slip it on, it kept reappearing on the bed. Buffy was having similar problems with the bathrobe hanging from her closet door, and the pillowcase Xander had grabbed kept slipping through his fingers onto the floor, where it did little to conceal his excited state.

Willow sighed. "Um, well, if Xander wished us naked, and, well, pornified, we'll just have to be naked until the spell wears off. At midnight. In about four hours. We're all mature adults, we're all friends. We'll just pretend it's a a sauna! And we'll play Scrabble!" She turned to get the game from her under her desk, and when she turned around she saw a panicked Buffy nibbling Xander's ear. 

"Will. I didn't just wish for naked. . . I wished for um, naked activity. Naked Xander-sandwich activity."

Buffy started to look less panicked, and more relaxed, almost as if Xander's earlobes were dosed with Xanax.

"Don't worry, Buf, Wil — I wished that you'd enjoy it"

Now that Willow thought about it, it did look like fun. And Xander had two earlobes. . .she crossed the room to join in the fun.

"What did you wish we'd do next?" she found herself saying, and Xander had the decency to blush as Willow said "Oh!" in the old geek!Willow way.

A little while later, Xander said "whoa!" and Buffy said "what? are you okay?" 

"Yeah. yeah. It's just, you know, I've had Slayer sex before, but, um, Faith didn't do that."

"Of course not. She's just a temptress. No follow-through at all. And Wil, could you do that thing? You know, the one you said made Oz start to wolf out a little?"

"Sure!" said Willow. "Tara's even taught me an, um, modification, that I could show you, if you like"

"Oh, why the hell not?" sighed Buffy. "We're magically compelled to, right?"

After much wriggling, and moistness, and heavy breathing, the Scoobies lay like a pile of puppies on the floor, Willow and Buffy pillowed on Xander while he ate his donut.

There was a quick rap at the door, and before they could jump up in naked panic (they were much too languid for naked panic, it was more like naked mild worry), the door swung open to reveal

"Spike!" Then there was naked panic, and more ineffectual groping for clothes. Spike swung into the room, grabbed Willow's desk chair, and sat down, folding his arms over the back. 

"Well, what do we have here? It seems the Scoobies have unexplored depths. . . well, unexplored-until-recently depths."

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here." spat Buffy. "And, hey–didn't invite you in!"

"Doesn't matter if someone" he nodded towards Xander "wishes for something, now, does it?"

"Xander!" Willow was really shocked. "You wished for Spike? For naked activity?"

"NO!" Xander shook his head so hard that he teeth were in peril of losing their safe moorings. "I, um, just wanted him to know that we had **had** naked activity. So he wouldn't always insinuate that I was a NGA wanker. And be really, really jealous."

"Which I am, mate! Believe me, I am. Especially when I look at Red here . . . I always wondered if you were a real redhead. Nice to have that settled. And the Slayer." here Spike raked Buffy with his eyes. "Niiiiiice tattoo."

"Spike. Stakes aren't clothes. And I have a nice closet full of them."

"Hey , luv, don't blame me. Blame wish-boy. And whoever was dumb enough to grant him was it a birthday wish?" His eyes lighted on the candle, discarded on the desk. "What did you think he was going to wish for? Comic books? A new video game? He's a wanker! He must wank to this little scenario twice a week!" (Spike muttered under his breath I know I do)

The clock next to Willow's bed read one minute to midnight. Buffy tensed, and as the second hand swept up to the twelve, she grabbed Spike by the short hairs (the ones on the top of his head) and threw him out of the room. Willow and Xander, restored to clothedness, stared blankly at Buffy as she turned, wiping her hands. 

"Ick! That hair gel is nasty. Willow, can you make him forget?"

"Um, Spike?"

"Yes, Spike! There must be some spell you could use. Just make it so he never remembers this. Any of this."

"Sure. There's onelet's see if I have any Lethe's bramble"A few passes, a little mumbling. . . "There. He's now wandering back to the crypt, wondering if he can catch the last few minutes of "X-Files" on cable.

"Spike has cable?"

"Satellite. Um, he paid me for a decoder box. And a wireless feed. It was just so I could learn how to make one, I swear. Besides, I told him I couldn't get him the porno channels. And I made it so it randomly goes out during _Passions_. And Nascar."

"Spike watches Nascar?"

Xander shuffled. "Buf WilI'm really sorry. I really didn't mean for this to ever happen. Can we not tell Anya?"

"Willow, could you make us all forget?" 

Willow looked pained. "I only have enough Lethe's bramble left for two of us. And I can't get any more tonight–tomorrow will be too late. Who wants to remember this? It won't be as embarrassing if they know the others don't know. . .and of course, we will NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN."

Xander shuffled again. "You two take the brambly forgetting. I feel bad enough as it is; I don't want to make you guys remember this–if you don't want to. I'll deal solo with the embarrassment and the pain of unfaithfulness, and someday, it will pass."

Willow and Buffy quickly agreed, and soon Xander was hugging them at the door. "Goodnight! I'm glad we stayed in and played Scrabble, instead of going out to the Bronze." 

When he walked home it was with a spring in his step and a smile on his face. Maybe, just maybe, soft-hearted Willow would grant him another wish next year. Go-karts! Yeah, right. Maybe next year, Willow, Buffy, and Tara . . . Happy birthday to me!


End file.
